We Wish You A Merry Christmas...now pass me that cheese log.

You know what I get the MOST excited about during the holiday season? and its not the insanely good deals on goods or getting a gift that I have been dropping hints on all year long. It is the food. Really. I look forward to eating this scrumptious stuff all year.

Some women have an inner goddess, I have an inner obese.

I have been craving green bean casserole since Thanksgiving, I lurve me some mashed potatoes and don't get me started on Christmas cookies.

I have tried running lately.. really.. ok really, stop laughing. I am telling myself I want to be healthy and I don't care about losing weight, but who are we kidding. We just tell ourselves that when we step on the scale for the one millionth time and we haven't lost not even half a pound.

But I do want to say that I want to lose weight and will probably blog about this journey. Really, I am a busy college student/mom. I don't know when I find time to eat.

On another note... Jackson doesn't really comprehend the whole Christmas thing. He does sing a mean Jingle Bells though. sounds like...jing BELLS jing BELLS. He only knows the last word of every sentence. Then half way through the song he starts going, "Mommy! Bar-ey" Which translates to, "Mommy! Sing the song from Barney"

He has already unwrapped a gift that isn't his... He took a picture with Santa and was amazed by the winter wonderland that was created around Santa. And he brings home a new ornament for the tree everyday from daycare. But still, I don't think its sinking in.

But I think he will get it head on, when he walks down the stairs on Christmas morning and receives his gifts from Santa..that new Triceratops that's the size of a real Triceratops..know what I am talking about?

I have come to the conclusion that he will either totally get this Christmas thing and be siked for years to come OR he will be traumatized for life.

My Sister Rocks

My sister is a 15 year old freshman. She had an assignment to write a poem for her AP English class... I know she was having a hard time figuring out what she wanted it to be about, but she finally picked a topic and it turned out great.

Her and her best friend have been friends since they were 4 I believe... well this past summer, not only were they going through a weird transition stage because they were both going to different high schools, but her friends father tragically took his own life.

This poem is about just that....need I remind you its written by a 15 year old. I think its fabulous, made me cry...but then again I am her older sister, I am a little bias.




Her Hero, Her Fallen Angel

June 6th 2008.
It started with a phone call,
All I heard was crying and mumbling.
As she tried to calm herself down she told me what had happened.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing;
I couldn’t believe he was gone.

And just like that her world had stopped.
Her hero was gone,
Her angel had fallen.

Three days had passed,
It was the first time I saw her in what felt like a life time.
Her cold, hard hug felt like she was somehow trying to hold on to life.
As I held her tight,
Her warm tears rolled down her red cheeks and hit my light pink shirt like bullets;
Her once soft, smooth skin rose with cold, rough goose bumps;
Her once still body began to shake uncontrollably;
And her voice began to tremble and break as she tried to speak softly.

And just then I saw that her world had stopped.
Her hero was gone,
Her angel had fallen

The flag covered coffin looked beautiful surrounded by elegant red roses.
“He looks at peace” she said.
Just then my heart felt like a rock,
Sinking to the frigid ocean floor.
Black tears began to leave gray trails as they fall down my pail cheeks.

Just then I realized her world had stopped,
Her hero was gone,
Her angel had fallen.

It has been six months since the tragedy,
And all I can think is why did this have to happen to her?
Why to the free spirited girl I knew and loved.
She would never be the same.
She loved him more then anything,
He was her best friend, her hero, her dad.

But just like that her world had stopped.
Her hero was gone,
Her angel had fallen.

She knows he is in a better place now.
A place with no suffering,
No pain.
She tries to be strong for him,
But the hurt is too much for her at times.
She can’t believe this has happened to her.

She can’t believe that her world has stopped.
Her hero is gone,
Her angel has fallen.

Over time I lost her,
I lost the beautiful, free-spirited girl I knew and loved.
No harm was done to her,
No pain she inflicted on herself.
Over that hard painful summer I lost my best friend.

And just like that my world had stopped.
My “sister” was gone,
My best friend had fallen.

I finallllly finished my classes. This semester was L-O-N-G. I dont know if it was the actual classes I took or if it is the fact that I am leaving this school and going to another. Whatever it is, I am glad its done. I am currently celebrating by doing absofreakingloutely NOTHING. I havent done this is awhile.

Today I have actually had time to take a long shower and shave my legs, for real.

I got to surf the web for countless things...

I got to play Guitar Hero without fighitng off a two year old. Hey, he gets in the way of my jammin

I did though have to wake up at 6:40 am. I dont have a clue why my son is on this new sleep schedule. But its whatever...

I am about to eat for the first time today...exciting!!

This is exciting stuff people.. I am gonna go relax now.

Kinda Strange...

This age is really funny. I wont say fun, necessarily, because it definitely has some downfalls. But for the most part everything is good. I don't know what it is about being two, that has Jackson acting completely strange. Funny strange.. not I should be worried strange.

He is pretty much the funniest toddler I know and his requests have become more and more odd.

For instance, one night he woke up from a dead sleep wanting the flashlight that was on my t.v. stand across the room. I told him no and to go back to sleep. This of course started the whining and crying and for my own sanity, I retrieved the beloved light. I had to turn it on of course, duh mom! Then he cradled it and ended up falling asleep with it like it was some sort of fluffy stuffed dog. I had to wait a good ten minutes until I knew he was asleep asleep, before I could turn it off and pry it from his baby hands.

This foggy picture you see to the right is another odd request he has made while being half asleep. I had taken off his socks, because it was rather steaming hot in my room. This made him sit straight up and cry for his socks. Which he normally hates wearing... So of course, to save my sanity, I handed him the socks. He proceeded to put them on his hands..then fell asleep. Yup, those are socks on his hands people... socks. on hands. The newest baby trend.

The most odd of all the toddler requests I have received has to do with a barbie. I did not buy my son a barbie. Promise. But for some reason a naked one has appeared in his toy box. But that's not the weird part.. its what he wants to do with it. If he sees it, he brings it to me and demands that I stick it in his diaper, the back part. So there is a naked barbie, sticking out of his diaper. He thinks its hilarious and it kinda is...

Really the list goes on and on... I think I have a funny guy on my hand. Which is totally awesome. I am curious though where he got the idea of putting barbie in his diaper... I promise I did not teach him that one!

Waiting for my karma check..

I know the point of doing good deeds is to pay it forward. But there is also that nice cliche that no good deed goes unnoticed. So I am crossing my fingers that this will be the case for me. Those that know me personally, know that I was born with an unlucky streak.

The most I have ever won in a scratch off was $2.00. I've never won at bingo. You get the picture. But maybe its because I don't really give back. Maybe it was karma.

Well I am proud to announce that I gave back...twice, in one week. (insert applause here)

For Thanksgiving, my family adopted two soldiers from Lackland AFB. We picked them up at 9 am and they hung out with us until 6 pm. They got fed like they haven't in weeks. Plus they got to call home and use the Internet. Pretty much feel connected like to society like they haven't in weeks. During basic training they cannot even leave the base. Neither of them were from here and they hadn't gotten to experience anything that San Antonio had to offer...the shame! They ended up being great. They were so nice and appreciative. I felt connected to them by the time they left, and I truly wish them well in all their endeavors. I think they will make fine airmen and later on patrolmen(that's what they want to be later on in life).

Then today I bought my first pair of Toms shoes. Love these things. Everyone else thinks they are ugly.. but I think they are awesome! Plus, every pair that is bought, another gets donated to children who do not have shoes. How awesome is that!??

So there goes my good deeds for the week so far. I still have another day to continue paying it forward... I just might go find me a homeless guy and give him some moolah.

Happy Birthday!!!!

I began writing this post at 1:20 pm. That means that in twenty minutes, two years ago I was holding my newborn baby boy. That is insane to me. I cannot believe that it has been two years already. It really was a blink of an eye. It is weird...when you are dating someone, two years is such a milestone. It took so long to reach that point... but with Jack. I cant believe how quickly it flew by. I really feel like I should still be holding my wittle bitty baby...

He kicked off his birthday last night by doing sumersaults until 1 am. I guess he knew that today was his big day and he just wanted to start it out the best way he knew how. This kiiiiinda perturbed me because I, for one, am not into getting kicked in the face over and over again while I am trying to sleep. But he eventually got tired and past out.

When I woke up this morning he was still sound asleep. His mouth was partly open and he had this look on his face... It resemembled this baby that was transforming into a little boy, right in front of my eyes.

I cannot believe I have a toddler. I long for the days where I could rock him to sleep...but I so look forward to the days where I can go watch him play t-ball. It is very bittersweet.

It really is crazy just how in love you are with your children. Even though they can be crazy banshee screaming little poops...they are still too cute to ever be mad at them more than 5 seconds.

On that note...Happy Birthday Baby! I cannot beleive you are 2. Just makes me realize that as you get older, so do I. Here are some pics of Jack throught the years:

I Survived...

Jackson's 2nd birthday party was last Saturday. I was completely stressing out over it. I love a good party but realize I hate being host. I would rather be fed, then feed. Up until the last minute I still was 100% sure what I was going to feed the guests, but settled on a hot dog buffet. Boring, but conveniently easy.

I made 76 cupcakes...you read correctly, 76. My grandma came over the night before and helped me make them and ice them. That was fun. I would have laughed in your face if you told me when I was 16, that at the age of 24 I would be icing 76 cupcakes for my 2 year old bday party and that it would take me ALL night long. I think I actually prefer doing this activity more than gulping down a dozen beers...there is no hangover involved with excessive cupcake eating.

Here is the clincher though...not only did I make cupcakes, but I made him a dump truck cake. I simply stuffed cupcakes in the back of a toy dump truck, then crushed up oreos to fill it up. It looked like dirt. It was cute! Here is a picture:

I rented a bouncy for Jack and his friends. This was the best $85 I could have spent. I honestly didn't see Jackson the entire party because he was in there. The only time we reunited was for cake and presents...then back in the bouncy. If I could I would have one up all year long for him.

His theme was dump trucks..so I bought all the kids construction hats. Those were a hit too.

I opted not to have a pinata. I know that its a kind of a tradition, especially at birthday parties here in S.A. but, last time he encountered a pinata there was a bit of a melt down. He doesn't comprehend taking turns just yet and wanted to run off with the stick and hit everything in his path. When he realized this wasn't an option he threw a major tantrum. So no pinata to for Jack.

I'm just glad its over with. His real birthday is on Nov. 24th. I cannot believe that I am a mother to a 2 year old. But I quickly start to believe it once I get smacked in the face with a ball. He is sweet like that.

Taco Thursday

Not to be confused with Taco Tuesday....actually its the exact same thing. You eat breakfast tacos. YUM.

I really think I need to join an Anonymous Taco eater group...and that would be breakfast tacos only...not the pink kind.

All jokes aside, I am obsessed. I have been since I was little. I don't know if it stems from a childhood tradition that my dad started.. Some dads bring home the bacon. Well mine brought home the bacon and egg, with cheese.

The search for the perfect taco has been an ongoing thing. Its as if I am searching for the Holy Grail. I don't even know if it exists. I have tried time and time again and have been let down more than twice. I have actually thought about starting an entire blog that speaks of this search. But I don't think it would be as interesting as it sounds in my head..." ate another taco, the tortilla consistency sucked".

I also know exactly where all this lard and eggs are going. Right to my taco loving ass.

Well I better stop blogging..I have a steaming hot bean and cheese calling my name. You know you are jealous!

2nd Annual Birthday Bash

Jackson's 2nd birthday is in a couple weeks and his birthday party is in a couple days. What was supposed to be a quiet family get together has turned into a 40+ gala for a 2 year old. I have added all this junk to my already overflowing plate. Nice.

I decided to go with a dump truck theme, mostly because every time we are in the car together he point and yells to all trucks, trains and buses. Except he calls them all choo choos. He is advanced for his age...

I still have to buy his cake mix, chairs, decorations, table cloths, toys, etc. etc. etc.

Add this to midterms and essay papers and you got yourself a healthy dose of stress.

This could be the major reason why I had a panic attack today at the dentist office. How embarrassing is that? I go to the dentist A LOT. So I am completely used to it. I used to be able to fall asleep when he went to town on my cavities.. but not today. For some reason, as soon as he gave me the four Lydocaine(is that what its called?) shots I flipped a shit.

It was awful. Traumatic...and completely brought on by my sons impending birthday soiree. You know what I want for Christmas? A nice shot of Valium and Jack Daniels...straight up.

Love at First Sight

I fell in love last week. It truly was love at first sight.. but once I was able to grasp it I knew it was a love that would hopefully last a lifetime...

introducing:

That's right people..my iphone. I love it. As if technology didn't already run my life, I now have it all the time at my fingertips. Literally.

I get emails sent to me.. I know when my myspace is updated.. I know everything. All because of this little apple. This connection has even made quite a few people jealous.. but don't worry.. I would be too if I didn't have one.

New Words

I will admit that I have been questioning Jackson's speech. It's not that he isn't speaking, just not clearly....and not that toddler speech, this was really unclear. Well just as it always works out, his speech has exploded within the past week or so.

I assumed he wasn't speaking because he still uses his pacifier. Which I know everyone in the world is against. This has been an ongoing battle in my family. As if I am letting him suck on Cyanide nuggets. But I stand firm next to the decision to let him suck on his innocent paci until he can comprehend that it needs to go, capesh?!!?!?!?

He can now tell me what he wants in his cup, juice or milk...expcept it sounds like this, " mama, baba? Jew! OR.... Mik!"

He can say all my friends names, Ashley(which he says very well and he even does the cute tongue roll..its funny!) Val, is Bal... Peter is Pe'er...Madie is Ma'ie....and my mom is Mommy. Nice huh? As long as he doesn't yell it out in public we are fine. My mom already looks like my friend, I am pretty sure if he called her Mommy and me Mama we would get some not so nice looks.

But my favorite words he has said has to be, "Ou'side...Mama! Lellow Cock!"

That translates to- "Can I go outside Mom and play with the yellow CHALK.

How Very Carrie Bradshaw...

I have been pondering relationships for the past couple days... and I promise that this isnt another woe is me post. Or at least its not what I intend it to be. But I have been having some discussions lately with people that know me and know the different circumstances I have been in. I know that everybody has their fair share of weird people...but what do we gain from these people? Are they simply here to guide us down a path for mere experience, that way we know never to do it again?

I have had 3 serious relationships in the past 9 years. That averages out to 3, 3 year relationships...I know I am a serious relationship whore! A serial relationshipist...

But each person has shown me exactly what I DONT want in my future husband. Side note, I love when people ask me what I want in a man...I have no idea what I want but I know EXACTLY what I don't want...

Take my high school boyfriend: He was a complete liar. This boy lied about everything. I am not talking about a typical teenage boy lie, " Hey I am going with my friends to the concert...not some girl" No. Not like that, he lied about what his middle name was. He lied about what kind of car he drove. He would make up things because his life, I am assuming was too boring. All things that did not have a reliable source. Just weird. Case in note... I will never date a liar again.

My CRRRAZY years boyfriend: Serial Cheater, liar, lazy bum. This guy cheats on things like they are going out of style. He is never satisfied with what he has I guess. And he still cheats on his current, live-in girlfriend. His idea of a job was working at a pizza&Chinese delivery place. Last I heard, he doesn't have a job and guess what...stilllll cheating. Case in note...Date someone who's goals in life include a career.

My current Ex: He means well, but he is a chronic partyer. (is that how you spell partyer?or is it partier?) Anyways, He is a good guy but never calmed down. Never. He would work from 6 am to 9 pm, stroll in the house with a 6 pack(half of which were already empty) and proceed to "pick up" around the house. He also never quite grasped the concept of having a child in the house that looked up to his every move. I think we are just better off as friends. Case in note: Never settle for less.

So moral of the story. Exes are exes for a reason. There are certainly people put into our life for a reason. These people are here to guide us to find the right one for us... to show us to never settle for less.

Waste of Time

It's 11 pm and I should either be A) sleeping or B) studying. B is way more important at this moment and A is nearly impossible. But I would rather be in cyber world, entertaining myself. Not like that, gross!

So I am currently in the middle of a break up as if you couldn't tell by my melancholy post yesterday. Sorry for the sob story... I know there are way worst things going on in the world right now that are more important than me breaking up with my boyfriend. Like world hunger, the current economic crisis or Heidi and Spencer. But when your amidst the chaos you get sucked into your own world and forget about things around you. It is like a mini relationship black hole.

I have decided to move back with my parents. I am jumping for joy as I type these words out. Really. I am. But honestly...my parents house isn't hell and neither are they. My family is actually quite funny and cool to be around, that is if my sister is sitting on the couch with duct tape over her mouth. Kidding...

But my current sleeping situation has to sucketh the most. Ya know how I said Jackson is still sleeping next to me? Well that hasn't changed, but add sharing a twin bed in the mix. Yeah, I said twin, like the ones you get in cramped college dorm rooms. But thankfully this one hasn't been pissed on due to drunken comas.

But just imagine it for a minute. Take a minute out of your busy day and imagine sharing a bed with a toddler. Yeah... its that painful. Literally, I got punched in my nose last night as he was turning into one of his MANY positions he sleeps in.

But regardless of my sleeping situation, the entire transition I am going through is kinda tough. All I know is I really needed that laugh session I just had with my sister and mom. They were helping me study for Phys. Geography and for some reason our conversation turned into global warming induced by Methane gas caused by Human beings...and why that isn't listed in the Gore movie.....

But really...farts? Don't you think that is an inconvenient truth?

Obvious Cliches for my Life at the Moment

With the good comes the bad.
Everything happens for a reason.
The grass isnt always greener on the other side.
AND the most important cliche of them all...

There are PLENTY of fish in the sea.

I've Been Tagged

Ok, so I have been tagged by a cyber friend of mine, Krystle, over at another blog. I would give out her link but her blog is private. Yeah I am that cool , I get invited to read private blogs. You wish you were me...I know.

So here it goes...

1. I have come to the epihpany that Jackson is the only male species in my life that I will love for all eternity and he will hopefully, never want to disown me.

2. I live for t.v. Mostly reality t.v. like the Hills, Project Runway...but you can add: Entourage, Californication, Greys Anatomy, The Office, Paranormal State... the list goes on. I currently do not have any t.v. shows on Tuesday nights. So, t.v. companies out there, give us a good Tuesday night show already!

3. I wish I could turn writing into a career.

4. I hate to work. I hate to go to a job and work my butt off. I just do. I wish I could write as a career..because that is something I enjoy and it would be my career not a job...know what I mean???

5. I could never move away from San Antonio. I would get major anxiety attacks knowing that my family is miles away.

6. I can tie a cherry stem with my tounge. Ohhhhh yeahhhh!

7. I am thankful that I had Jackson and truly believe he saved my life...

8. I have an affinity for food. All kinds. I am an obease person at the core...

9. I have ESP... I can read your mind.. Hey! I heard that...

10. When in a relationship, I try to love enough for the both of us. Which ends up completely backfiring becuase when you break up, it hurts twice as bad.





Here are the rules:Each blogger must post these rules.
Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.

SHOCKER of the Week

Could this be true?!?!?!?

This is a new section of my blog... I will post the most shocking, duh! moments of the week.

This one is sure to bring crazy old ladies down to their knees to pray. It is true...all the good looking men are either gay or married.

http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/realityrocks/101126/clay-aiken-yes-im-gay

By the way...totally gagging on the good looking comment I made, because he is far from it.

Things I Do But Swore I wouldn't

When I was pregnant I had a mental list of things I, as a perfect mother, would do for my child. I assume this is pretty normal. In fact I know it is normal because during my entire pregnancy I was a part of a message board devoted to pregnant mothers whose unborn children were all due the same month. They only guaranteed this fact and I knew I wasn't crazy.

So I was thinking back the other day at how many things I said I would or would not do as a mother and found it quite comical. The things I said I wouldn't do, I do and the things I said I would do, I don't.

I said I would breastfeed my son, being that it is the best nutrients for any new human being, plus it is the most natural. Well after two unsuccessful tries I nipped that one in the butt. I am still pro-breastfeeding and would love to try again on the next, but at the time, it wasn't for me.

I said I would never allow him to sleep with me because I know from personal experience that sleeping with your parents until you can drive is not cool. For both involved parties. Well as you know from past blog entries, this too did not go over well. He is about to be two and still kicks me in the throat and kidneys every night. Therefore the next child will have their own house as soon as they are old enough to sleep in a crib. kidding...

I wanted Jackson to only relish in nutritious food and only have goodies that were all natural and organic. This too is not something that cannot be done. I know people personally that follow this very rule. However, my child is addicted to sugar and its just in his genes people. There is no stopping genetics.

I also never wanted the t.v. to play babysitter while I got stuff done and to go further with this rule, Barney was never allowed to step foot in my house. I had enough of "Candy covered raindrops" and "I love you, you love me" when my sister was little...enough to last a lifetime. Or so I thought...Now in order to finish an essay for school the t.v. must be on, with my little one sitting wide-eyed right in front of the t.v. I am also now planning my son's second birthday and guess what the theme might be? BARNEY. I am actually in the process of booking a Barney character to show up at the party.. crazy or what? But that's who he likes..and thankfully Barney gave me my life back, at 30 minute increments at a time.

Sand Baby

We got back from a vacation at the beach yesterday. The sun can be so damn draining! That and the beer....

It was Jackson's first trip to the coast and he had a BLAST! At first he ran up to the ocean and just looked out.. it was the cutest thing. He also screamed when the waves crashed at his feet. He would run out to the water...than run back to the shore every time a new wave crashed in. At first it scared me because I though "great! we drove all this way for him to be scared of the water!" But it just took a couple minutes for him to get used to it.

Not only did he love the water. He seemed to enjoy drinking the water too! Kidding.. I wouldn't let him drink sea water. But whenever a wave crashed into him he would get some in his mouth. Yuck! Remember that?

After he had enough of the water he would head off to the sand dunes. But he wouldn't build sand castles...that's for boring people. My son loved to do barrel rolls in the sand. Now if one is soaking wet, dry sand sticks to you like glue. This was his favorite thing to do. I swear he is part dog...

After a long six hours in the hot Texas sun, we called it a day and headed back to the hotel. I thought or sure that he would be like any other child and fall asleep for the night. But nope. He power napped on the way to the hotel, a whopping 10 minute drive and woke up and was ready to go. That's my little firecracker!

I cant wait to take him again...or maybe this will be the last time. I took a million pictures so there is actual proof that I took him places.

Old School

This past weekend was extremely interesting. I got to run into a group of old friends that I haven't spent time with in years. These were the people I spent my high school career with. The people I partied underage with and ran from the cops with. I spent the beginning of my college years with, on my old red couch. We would all stack up that damn couch in my small living room, because, my old roommate(Natalia) and I were the only people who had an apartment at the time. We were the place to be...and to be quite honest, the coolest place to be.

We did the typical things in those days, drink until we were stupid....go to school, work, smoke things we shouldn't have, shit some of these people are still doing those things. In that order.

Being able to see them and realize that we are all growing up was bittersweet. I love to see that things are going good for certain people. That people I didn't think would ever grow up, are getting a hold on their lives. I realize the leaps and bounds I have taken and where my life is heading and have to say I am very satisfied.

Don't get me wrong, I totally miss the random acts of stupid my friends would throw my way. But thankfully those memories are locked up tight. These would have to be the highlights of those years:

1. Seeing my guy friend run out of a room screaming like a little girl because another guy had just thrown up all over the place.

2.Carrying that same friend who had thrown up all over the place, to the bathroom....He was a 6ft 280 lbs. man...It took 5 people to get him to the bathroom.

3.Toilet papering and forking my friends house....

4.David Hasselhoff's Birthday party extravaganza

5.Diego's mom's hats...

There are so many more, but unless you know the background to them all...that list will get boring. As much as I miss those days, I am glad that my life turned out the way it did. I get way more satisfaction in watching my son grow up and getting through college, than I did with those days...

In a weird moment one of the parties this weekend, we were all standing around a keg talking about school and life and careers. That proved how different life is these days...but I gotta admit I like it.

When Its Over Its Over

How is one supposed to know that its time to move on? I wish there was a celebratory whistle that was blown at the end of every relationship, that allowed you to know, "Hey its time to move on!"

I seem to struggle a bit in this department. Hence the reason I have had 3 major relationships in a 7 year time span. I didn't really like these guys extra more, I just have a bad habit of hanging on. I think its okay to hang on, if you think he is "the one". But unfortunately for me, at least, I haven't gotten that feeling yet.

Its supposed to come naturally right? You "feel" it in the first couple of seconds.....whatever the protocol, I haven't gotten it yet. Which, every female longs for....its part of our DNA. There ya go, I gave you a secret into unlocking the female gender, We all want to love and be loved in return. Big Shocker there!!

It's a rather unfortunate feeling when you realize you are just hanging on... but, everyone , no matter what there flaws are put into our lives for a reason. I have learned many things from my past exes. Thanks to them I know what a liar, cheater, compulsive idiot looks like...

I wonder when Mr. Right will come strolling in...if he hasn't already.

What To Do...

I have been trying to put my life in order the past couple days... not that it has been out of whack. But I have been trying to figure out which path it is going to go down. Is it going to go towards a successful career of writing and something in art, my two sought after degrees. Or should I switch over to education and try and be a high school teacher and fulfill my desire of being a high school cheerleading coach. Is that super corny? I guess I just had such a horrible coach, I know I could have done 100% better than her, so its always been a dream, a little one, but a dream none the less.

Did I just lose your interest, by mentioning the word cheerleader? That word always seems to make people go pale and lose complete interest in life. I guess they were either jealous of cheerleaders because they never were one, or because the cheerleaders were always the "mean girls" of the school.

I was never like that at all. I was an equal opportunity cheerleader, if I do say so myself. I tried to be friends with everyone from the math club to the student council to choir. I tried not to leave anyone out. Why would you? ya know?

ANYWAYS....Its been interesting. I would love to write.. how awesome would it be to sit at home and be able to work at the same time? Yeah, there are moments when I wish I could be on some deserted island with my laptop typing away...but most of the time I settle for my desk in my two bedroom town home, with my screaming 1.5 year old at my ankles. How could that not sound like paradise?

Thankfully I am only 23 and still have a couple years to figure my life out. Maybe I could be a high school art teacher/cheer coach that also teaches a creative writing course? Or I could be an artist who writes for a cheer magazine? hmm...the possibilities are endless...

Sleep Blues

As much as I love sleeping with my little munchkin stuffed between my right armpit and Andrews butt crack.. its getting rather old. FAST.

Jack is 20 months old and STILLLLLL sleeps with us. I know its a comfort thing. BUT COME ON! Warning New Moms: DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD SLEEP WITH YOU. EVER. NO MATTER HOW CUTE IT IS.

We have put up his own "big boy" bed in the corner of our bedroom. To try and ease the transition we got him a stuffed animal. I am not kidding people, his bed is a foot away from me. But he still screams. He is fine if I am standing next to his bed, but as soon as I flop my butt on my bed.. and my mattress squeaks. He screams! Every freaking time.

But here is the latest dilemma with him sleeping with us. Waking up to nice, warm PEE. Yup. You read right.. Pee. His diapers have been leaking, thanks to Andrew wanting to save money on diapers. WARNING NEW MOTHERS: DON'T LET YOUR CHEAP BOYFRIEND BUY DIAPERS.
So therefore, we wake up to pee. This has happened three times in the last two weeks. Andrew is a clean freak so he immediately rips off the sheets, even if I am sleeping soundly, and stuffs them in the wash.

I don't know what else to do. I think we are stuck with it until Jack gets his own room. But that wont be for a couple months. I guess the moral of the story is: Don't let convenience over ride practicality.

80% of the time, ALL the time

The toddler years came quick. I remember the good ole days of spit up, a non mobile child who didn't have control of his extremities and canned baby food. Am I the only one who misses that? Ok. I don't really... but these terrible twos should really be called, terrible 1.5's.

Jacks a lot of things going for him, like his beautiful green eye...his thousands of kisses and hugs...his little laugh...oh and the twirl, clap, head bang and stop dance he does. Those I could deal with ALL day long. Its the other 80% that's tough stuff!

Lately I have been considering writing the city to see if they can enforce toddler only areas. Therefore everyone in that area would empathize with each other. "Oh your kid runs around screaming his head off too?" or "What? You tell your child NO! and they giggle and run away, also?!"

I never seem to learn my lesson from the last public venture with Jack. I always have this false image of him sitting quietly and listening to me when I say NO! So...I take him to get ice cream or to the doctors office. Then reality sets in as soon as we step foot in the door. My kid is the one pulling out all the books at the doctor's office...running around kicking other kids and trying to hug the little girls.

I have come close to getting a leash for him... something I swore I would never do. But all of us mothers have a list of taboo items we would never give to our child, that we made while they were still in utero, like Barney or McDonald's. But truly...its whatever keeps them occupied for more than 30 seconds. If this means coloring the table at a restaurant, sorry servers!, but so be it....

Jackson still holds strong to his dolphin screeches...that make the entire San Antonio population, turn and look at us and whisper to each other, "Wow, he is a handful." I KNOW PEOPLE!! I get it..you don't see the exhausted look on my face? My hair isn't in a ponytail because I like the way I look in an up do... its because he will try and grab my flatiron with his bare hands.

But it's those moments of twirls, claps, head bangs and stomps that make it all worth wild...

The Untold Biblical Story

My family and I went out to eat the other day for lunch. We do this pretty much weekly...its how we bond as a family, over food. You would think we are all obese but we aren't suprisingly. So we were getting in a friendly but heated discussion over the presidential race, mainly focusing on the fact that Obama was going to be the Democratic candidate.

My grandmother, who in her older years has gotten a lot more right wing, was commenting on the fact that Obama is Muslim and that she doesn't necessarily embrace what the religion has to offer. Also stating that we are fighting Muslim people. BUT that is a WHOLE other blog post...

She went on about how she doest agree with the practice that some, not ALL, Muslim people practice, being the slaughtering of the lamb on Easter. My sister chimed in stating that in Christian religion, the very religion that the United States was founded on, they too have a story of God slaughtering a lamb instead of slaughtering a boy and how Christan's too celebrate it but don't necessarily practice the event every year.

As we go on and on about this revelation, my 7 year old niece decided to make a comment. She looked at all of us and said, "I don't think that God slaughtered a lamb, I think that in Sunday School we were taught that he slaughtered a Moose...yup a Moose that's it! That's what he slaughtered, not a lamb you silly fools..."

We all stopped and looked and laughed. A moose.. who knew? This will be the newest story added to the Newer Testament....

Letter to Stimulus Check

Dear Stimulus Check,

I know that you are taking a long time because my mother didn't direct deposit your friend, '07 tax return. That sucks. But I really wish that you would hurry your little butt into my mailbox.

I have been dreaming of what I would spend you on for awhile now. The list is long....real long. But the truth is, I will feel ultra guilty if I don't spend at least half of you on Jack.

But for shits and giggles here is my list. Know that the list does not add up to $900 and could far exceed it...but I'm dreaming here!

1. A new hair do. I wanna go blond. Call me crazy....its this stimulus check, free money fever. Plus I wanna see if they really do have more fun.

2. New clothes. Everyone knew that would be on there..please.

3. Pedicure. I no longer wish to have the feet of a runaway slave.

4. Manicure. Heck why not?

5. Vegas..for when we go in July. yay!

6. Down payment on a New Porsche...hey I said I was dreaming.

7. Some grass for my front lawn....it looks bad. real bad.

8. A personal trainer. Hopefully one of the male gender...and a cute one. A real cute one! yeah!

9. A sushi chef that will come to my house once a week.. he must specialize in caterpillar rolls.

10. Spurs tickets. (If they keep winning)

11. A trip around the world.

12. A boob job. You know you want one too!

13. A flat screen...I had a dream last night I was buying one.

14. A years supply of Whataburger.

15. Liposuction..

Ok that's all for now. I could go on and on...but you get the picture. So please. If you don't mind, hurry up and get delivered already before my list keeps growing. Because it will. trust me.

Sincerely,

Maegan

My Future Janitor

Most boys aspire to be pro sports players, well for those exceptions who aspire to be hair dressers, either or I would love Jackson regardless of his abilities in either areas of expertise. That being said...my son aspires to be, a janitor. Its true. My 17th month old is the cleanest clean freak of a child this side of the Mississippi. He likes to sweep, carry around a dust pan, of which we had to eventually get him a toy broom and dust pan because the normal adult sized ones were knocking him down. He has also been quite obsessed with our new handheld vacuum.



Seriously, it has gotten to the point that we cannot take out the vacuum until he goes to sleep. Otherwise, he will scream and throw a tantrum until we hand it over and let him play with it until it dies. It is a little ridiculous. But I am guilty of pointing him to certain dust bunnies...hey, hes the one that loves to clean, not me!



Yesterday, while out shopping I discovered the most awesome toy. It was a vacuum that is his size..makes all the vacuum noises...PLUS it is a doggie. So it barks! I mean this had Jack written ALL over it. His favorite animal AND his favorite toy. wow. So my mom bought it for him and he hasn't put it down yet. This morning he went straight to it and proceeded to bark and vacuum my entire house.

Destructo Update

I am almost done with school. Yay! One more exam and I am through....well for at least 4 weeks. But it will be a much needed break. Too bad after that 4 weeks is up I start up again, but with even more on my plate. 3 classes this summer..at the super fast school speed. I am taking a ceramics class M-F from 10-2, I think I will enjoy it. Who knows? I could be a master ceramics person and not even know it.

I am excited that I will only be at my current community college for one more semester than onto the big stuff. I will be at the University by Spring 09. Yay me! I have also decided to apply for an internship with the SA Current..who knows how that will go. Hopefully I get it. I would love to have writing in my future endeavors.

Jacks still at his daycare. They are slowly sucking the life out of me, those damn daycare owners. $180 a week to watch Jack is a bit pricey, but his safety is well worth it. Right? tell me its okay. So I will stop sweatin it.

Jack has become insanely curious about the world around him. He has to touch, hold, yank and taste everything in his path. I think I saw him lick bird poo the other day, it would give him Avian flu right?

He is still a lovey dovey thing, that loves to give kisses to everybody not excluding our dog Coco, who he loves to kiss the most. Open mouth.

He has found solitude in his book lately, which is great. Other than the fact that I was picking up his playroom the other day to find pieces of his pop up book everywhere. Nice huh?

His newest nickname? Destructo. I found him with a pen the other day. He went into the office and picked it up, then decided to see if the color looked good on the walls. I guess he knows we are in desperate need for some art and decorations on the walls. He sees it I don't know why Andrew doesn't.

He also felt this weekend, that I need to re-organize my shoe rack. He let me know by pulling all my shoes out. Thanks Jack!

He sure knows how to let us know that we need to get stuff done!

How's This For Embarassing?

I was at school yesterday and reached into my make-up bag for my tube of lip gloss.... I pulled out my tube of Preparation H instead! Nice.........

I Still Got It

I've still got it in me! My friend came over for dinner tonight. She just had a baby girl 3 weeks ago...and my friend looks amazing already *cough* bitch. Just kidding, I knew she would have no problem bouncing back when she did gorge herself with chocolate chip cookie's drenched in chocolate syrup with sprinkles on top. I thought everyone did this! no?

She would say, "I'm soo starving". Then proceed to chop up fruit. Seriously.. I am only hoping my next child is a vegan. I can't do the chocolate chip cookie aka heaven, again. At least that's what my ass tells me.

I get the baby jitters every time she comes by. I want to hold her, her being Ella-the baby, the whole time. I feel for my friend and want to help out as much as I can. Because having a newborn is a miracle and joyous occasion that is topped with spit up and scheduling poops. It is easy to get sucked into baby world and every now and then you need a helping hand to pull you out of the goo goo ga ga quicksand.

My friend was getting kinda tired tonight and a little on the annoyed side because Ella just would not stop fussing. She went down the "calm" list.. bottle! fail... paci! fail... burp! fail... bounce up and down like a mad woman!fail... She wanted to throw in the towel and call it a night. This is the part that I come in.

I said,"You should swaddle her!" I got out Jack's old hospital blankie and bundled her up like the little burrito she is. I put some hot sauce on her and then patted and shushhhhed her right to sleep. Ok, one of those things I didn't do.. but you get it.

I am happy to know that I still got it! Hopefully I don't lose it in 6 years.... now pass over my chocolate chip cookies!

Life

So a lot of things have been going on lately. Some way more funnier that others. Truthfully.. I am stressed but kinda happy stressed that I only have 4 more weeks until school is over. Well for a couple of weeks that is.

I decided this week to take all my educational basics at my community college than transfer to my university in less than a year. That is exciting huh? You know it is! But I am beginning to question school. I am just wondering if I have enough gas in me to make it to the finish line. I truly want to..but wanting and actually being able are two totally different things.

Not that I would ever trade in Jackson.. nope you cant have him!!! But sometimes, I just think how easy I had it pre-baby days. How I should have taken advantage of it. And how much it upsets me when I see my younger friends making the same mistakes that I did at their age. I just want to be the advocate for actually giving a fuck about your life, even at the age of 18 or 19.

Go to school people. Like, actually go. attend. take notes. be on time. You know that sort of thing. It is really only a small chunk of your life. You will have so much more time to party and live the dream. I promise!

You don't want to end up in your midlife and look back and realize how easy you had it and all that you could of done with yourself. It is a frustrating thing to do, look back on life.

I do think that I have a purpose just as everyone else does. And I do think I will reach it. I however would like to do it my way. Yes, I can be guided but... in my own direction.

So at the age of 22, I am now off to tucking in my 16 month old, picking up the remnants left from dinner, doing some art homework, writing an essay for my drugs and human health class, hopefully squeeze in a shower, than tuck myself in for bed, so I can be rested for tomorrow where it all starts over again. Life.

Trimming My Bush

It has been awhile. Life has been happening.. kinda crazy. Sorry to my faithful readers..or reader. Andrew and I have been trying to re-vamp this place up a bit. We had the brush pick up guys coming this week so we figured yard work was our main priority. That's Andrew for you..always has to prioritize, aka. he is OCD.

So Friday evening I got the bright idea to trim the obnoxious bush that had been chilling out, uncut for about 8 years in front of our house. It was an ugly thing just filled with all kinds of ugly. It even smelled ugly. It is true. My grandmother, who owns this house and was its former tenant, didn't have the greenest of thumbs... so it literally sat there untouched for 8 years. Just living the life, that bush.

I began trimming it,when all sorts of bugs began to fly out. I could just picture an entire bug community living in that thing.. and I was their Apocalypse. After trimming it for a couple minutes and with Andrew helping me, aka Micromanaging my every move, we decide to pull the dang thing out.

I was confused by this we business because in reality I did it. All by myself.. with the occasional snips from my ADD uncle. He had to get in there and help me out..thanks Louie! I am happy to say that I raked, dug, sawed and cursed that bush out with my own sweat, blood and tears.

We still have a bald spot in our front yard where the bush once was.. and I really don't feel like ever doing yard work again. Damn, this house stuff is no joke. If you have any suggestions for landscaping my place, please leave them in the comments. All help in wanted...

Post Baby Blues

Ever since having Jackson my body has went hay wire. Its not just the weight or shape that has changed, even though that would be the most obvious and the most drastic. I went from a svelte hourglass figure to an apple figure.

I have had a whole bunch of internal problems that I never had before having Jack. Like these sudden gallbladder attacks. Who gets these at 23? Who I ask?!?!? Me. That's who. Lucky ol Me. They are these awful events that happen every so often that leave me curled in a ball wishing for a lobotomy...something to take away from the pain. It really is that bad.

I have also had the craziest loss of bladder control. I cant sneeze without crossing my legs first...if you know what I mean. I guess I need to brush up on my kegels.

The list really goes on and on. It could rival a geriatrics's. As if childbirth, periods and PMS weren't punishment enough...we get to also look forward to everything our body deals with after having the miraculous child. Thanks a lot Eve!

Happy Easter!!!!

Jack's 16 month List

Here is a list of things Jack has learned to say or do within the past month. I find the toddler mind astonishing!

1.Exercise. I really don't know how quickly he picked up on this.. I rarely do it. I was doing squats and counting them out while watching t.v...oh god I am turning into my mother..When I turned around to see Jack mimicking me. It was the funniest thing ever! He now does it every time someone counts out loud.

2. Tap Dance. No joking.. I tell him to tap and he stomps his little feet. This too makes me laugh!

3. Blow Kisses...an oldie but goodie. I especially like the noise he makes with it..sounds something like..."muaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

4. He knows where his nose is and will point to it when asked...

5. This is in addition to number 4, he now picks his nose.

6. We also like to ask where his mouth is right after that..hahah....so gross.

7. He knows where his belly button is and will flash you any chance he gets.

8. He knows what sound a dog makes..sounds like" br br br" he does this sound out of the side of his mouth..too funny.

9. He thinks every animal goes, "brbrbr"

10. He spins in circles...and then walks out of it.

So there is probably WAY more.. but these are the cute things. My life no longer consists of keg stands and mardi gra beads. Now its filled with these little wonders my 16 month old picks up on a daily basis.

Mr. Sandman PLEASE bring Jack a dream

Getting Jack to go to sleep at night is sometimes as difficult as tying up a wild hog. I guess....never really had to do the latter. But I imagine it to be very difficult, don't you? He was out in the sun ALL day. This usually physically drains a normal sized human being. I can only imagine how much energy it zaps out of a 16 months old.

Not my son! He has super energy. He was bouncing off the walls as soon as he stepped in my front door. Even though he had been at Sea World all day long. He is even sporting a baby sunburn. I would say it is a 1 on a scale of 1-10. So don't worry!

I figured he would go to sleep no problem tonight after the day he had. But NOPE. It is 10 pm and he is still fighting it. I don't know what it is...

and because he is my son and we live life on the difficult side, he has to still be rocked to sleep. I cannot just lay him down and put a paci in his mouth. Nope. I have to rock him, pat his butt, rub his belly....the temperature has to be just right. Not to hot and not to cold. He has to have a pillow and his paci. It's crazy.

I just hope and pray that I am not doing this still when he is 18 years old....

Not So Wise Anymore...

If you ever thought about getting your wisdom teeth taken out, go ahead and shoot yourself in the foot then have someone sucker punch you in the kidney. It will feel better, I promise. I just had mine taken out yesterday. If it wasn't for the vicodin I wouldn't be the semi-functioning human being that I am right now.

I will say the best thing about it is all the sleep I am getting. But jeez..I have been having the strangest dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was apart of the PRS(Paranormal Research Society) and we were investigating my old house. It was WAY more weird than that. But I am too afraid to put it all out there in cyber world...

This food situation is ridiculous also. I have been surviving on pudding and chocolate milk. My wonderful, magnificent boyfriend who really tunes into everything I say.. brought me some egg drop soup last night. But lets not forget that I have been asking for Chinese food for little over a week now. So..he brought me some egg drop soup, while he scarfed down rice and the most delish smelling egg rolls...bastard. But I was so hopped up on vicodin it didn't matter.

Well I am going to continue to wallow in my own self pity party...its fun, you are welcome to join me! But if you have Chinese food OR Wingstop...forget about it!!

Cleanliness is next to Godliness...

My house is coming along.. we have maintained its cleanliness for 11 days and counting. I am so proud. Ok by we, I mean Andrew. But since we are together its WE now damnit! I truly am lucky to find someone that relishes in cleanliness. It is very awkward for me and I am having an adjustment period...but I like it.

I am not saying I was raised by cave slobs or anything but borderline.. kidding, mom. (Not that she has time to read this little ol blog) But my family was very lackadaisy with their cleaning abilities...but that's ok, It was supposedly ALL ME.

So Andrew cleans. That's who he is and what he does. I came home yesterday after an exhausting 8 hours at school... to a mopped floor, folded clean laundry and the quiet hum of the dishwasher running. That's always nice. Plus, Andrew worked a good 10 hours day. He is crazy if you ask me.

8 hours of sitting on my butt listening to lectures and I was pooped. I wanted to flop on the couch and curl up with my two old pals Ben and Jerry. Call me lazy I guess, since I didn't want to help in the house duties. But I eventually did. I lit a candle. I was helping with the smell situation.. Not that we had one, but freshen it up a bit.

But he can be a bit obsessive about it, if you ask me... Just my personal opinion. He spent 3 hours in the laundry room the other day. Doing laundry and between loads cleaning the washer, since it is being borrowed. I walked in on him wiping down the laundry detergent bottles. I said, "Oh! Sorry"and closed the door, nice little awkward moment. I had to ask him WHY? he was washing soap.... I dunno.

I just don't know where he gets the energy from. Must be the 2 packs of Monsters he got the other day... hmm..

Surgery is scheduled tomorrow... theyu are finally taking my lump out my boob. Yeah Baby!!! Wish me luck

Odd Man, err Woman Out

I just finished moving into my new place. I love it. It looks great!!! (thanks Nana) I am sitting down for the first time in three days. Andrew is doing laundry and I am in cyber space...for the first time in 3 days. I realize how addicted I am to the Internet, I was having withdrawals. I was huddled in the corner, about to sell my first born just for a fix.

Actually, I was too damn busy. So busy that I was the most exhausted I have ever been..well since having Jack. Andrew and I literally went straight to bed once our guests piled out the door. Like no frisky business...not even a kiss on the cheek, straight to dreamland.

The weirdest thing, I am out numbered for the first time. There is a weird shift in male to female ratio. I am so used to living in a house hold where everyone was female ..from the dogs to the fish to the people, with the exception of my dad. There has always been a untied bitch quality to every place I live. Not anymore... I am finally out numbered. It is strange. I guess I am just gonna have to have a girl soon...

KIDDING.

I heart Sonic

I just downed a chili cheese coney from Sonic. I am STUFFED. I always order these damn heathen dogs when I am starving. It isnt until my very last bite, that I assess the situation and realize.. "WOW! I just ate a foot of hot dog meat." I wanna gag just thinking about it.

I also ALWAYS say that this will be my last coney dog. LAST ONE! But nope.. it never fails to sneak back into my life. Maybe its because I had to dress up like one, I feel a deeper connection to the dog.

When I was 16 years old I worked at Sonic as a carhop.. I came into work one day late. So in order to teach me a lesson he strapped the hot dog costume on me. He thne marched my coney butt to the front of the Sonic which happened to butt up to an extremely busy road.

I procceeded to jump up and down and wave to passing by vehicles. I was actually having fun! Until these two boys came up to me and asked if they could get a picture with me. Thankfully my face was covered by the coney weiner. That is the only time it is okay to have a weiner in your face. When they asked I said "Okay!" But totally masked my voice..just in case they came back!!

Aw...those were the days... I love you Coney Dog!

Need A Vacay

Do you ever feel aloof? Out of body? Catch my drift...sometimes I feel as though I am living life looking in on things. Not really experiencing things hands on..but rather just looking in on it. Does that make any sense?

It has gotten worst since having Jackson. I think its a time issue. I just realize now more than before how quickly time slips away. Which should really make me want to live in every moment. It is just hard to explain. I kinda feel like I have been doing things the way they are supposed to be.. just like a routine.

I think the only treatment for this would be a vacation. I mean come on now, how awesome does that picture look up there? You cant do that shit everyday...I would love to go anywhere really, anywhere other than here at this point. I want some excitment.. some thrill..some.. some...pow!

Now dont get me wrong.. things are going pretty good right now. Too good if you ask me. I know I cant be on this much of a high for too long...something is bound to happen. Or maybe not. What if I am stuck in monotiny for life. How boring. I dont mean being with the same person by the way.. I am just talking about nothing really changes because everything around me is relying on me.

I guess that is just another side effect of motherhood.

I got this off the Dooce website and just about peed my pants. Which wouldnt have been good since I am in bed. I haved pissed the bed in months...I mean years.

Funny Japanese

New Casa

Have you ever tried to renovate your new house with a toddler running around your ankles? It is quite a daunting task, one I never want to do again. So much so that I am the most exhausted I have been since summer cheerleading camp. I thought chanting cheers in a hot sun while climbing the hillsides at Texas State was daunting..nope.

By the way, daunting seems to be the word of the day. So everytime you read it I want you to go crazy along with all your furniture in the house and the talking genie in the frame. Mecka-lecka-high..Mecka highy hoe.. That is for the oldies..

Anyways. I painted trim, walls, caulked( I am very good at handling caulk) dug up dirt, moved rocks, and cleaned. I did all that. Me. Maegan. I know. It is amazing. It is amazing, and daunting..ahhhhhhhhhh!

Andrew and I move into our new little home on March 1st. Isnt that crazy? A year ago today I was sitting around my house feeling sorry for myself, waiting for some man to knock on my front door and whisk me(and Jack) away with him. Well, I am proud to say I am no longer waiting aorund.. Thankfully. Although how awesome would it be if Andrew busted through my front door right now and was strong enough to lift my butt up? I just ate too so I know I am a few pounds heavier.

We decided to rent out my grandma's house. But before moving in, we are trying to make it as close to perfect as we can. This includes all the renovations, that we arent entirely paying for all by our lonesomes.

I will say, it will be the best looking place I have ever lived in and I cant wait to be settled in. I will also say that if I have to look at another gallon of paint, I might vomit. I think we are having a mini house warming party and you are all invited, but you gotta bring a plant. Oh and....daunting!

Happy Valentines Day Y'all!!!!!!

Hope your day is full of love...wheter it be from a man, woman, child, dog or B.O.B....Whatever floats your boat.

In the Blink of an Eye

So today it hit me. I was watching the George Lopez show, which I am sure you didnt know was so insightful, but it is. George was talking about one of his kids, Carmen or Max...I dunno, and he said something about how he they were a baby he raised them and then he wanted them to leave like every child does. This is when it hits me. Jackson is not going to be baby for much longer and someday he is going to leave me. How depressing is that?

Yes, he may frustrate the heck out of me when I know he is exhausted but all he wants to do is jump from pillow to pillow and laugh. Or it may be frustrating that he cant sit still through an entire meal, just one time. Or the fact that his favorite thing to do in the whole wide world, it seems, is to push the buttons on the t.v.-he especially LOVES to do this at the climax of any show you are watching at the moment.

But honestly, how lucky am I to even get to experience this stuff with him? Really. If I do say so myself. But its the same for every mother not just me.

It already seems that I blinked and he is 15 months old. Sooner or later I am going to blink and he will be 10, then blink again and he will be 18..and so on and so on. You get the picture. It is like that Kenny Chesney song, "Dont Blink"

Now I am doing something I told myself I wouldn't do...get all sappy in my blogs. Well for the time being I am going to try and enjoy my time with him now and cherish everything that he has to offer. I am also going to look into getting one of those devices that eyedoctors use during laser eye surgery.....ya know, so I dont have to blink anymore.

Cut Me Some Slack

Somedays I wish I was already graduated from college, so that I could already be able to provide for Jackson and myself. I wish that I could at least speed time up a bit, to get it over with. It seems like it is taking FOREVER. I am still a freshman. I cant believe I took 2 years off... I kick myself everytime I open up a text book. I think at the rate I am going...15 hours a regular semester and 6 hours in the summer.. I should be at a University by Fall 2009. UGH. Then I haveb 2 more years at UTSA... then I graduate.

I mean I am ready to tackle it. I am ready to give it all I got. I am.. and its going good so far. But this is one of those times I wish I had a remote control like Adam Sandler had in Click.

Then...there are days were I think that people don't realize all that I have on my plate. Personally, I think I function better when I have things to keep me busy. If I dont stay busy the lazier I become. But really, right this minute I kinda of feel overwhelmed. As far as homework goes I have:

Art-Research a museum over the internet.. give as much info as I can, write a 6 pg. essay. give examples..I have 2 weeks left to do this one.

Drugs & Human Health- choose a side on the legalization of marijuana, write an essay-due Sunday

Psych-Read a ch. before Thurs., do humanatarian work..8 hours worth, do next essay due on 2/12

Economics-Fill in the notes from today's class, read ch.4, study for exam that is next tuesday

Photography-Research Man Ray, bring findings into class on Thursday.

That is just what I have going on for school this week. I also have work every M, W, F

I have to pick out paint colors for my new house, I have to paint this weekend. Oh Yeah! I am moving out soon... fogot to mention that. I move out 3/1 so that is only a couple weeks away...stressing about that.

Just a bunch of stuff people...a bunch of stuff... Jackson is my little cherry on top of all that junk. Somedays I want to pull my hair out and other days I want a little credit. I am doing all of this and still am a functioning human being. So yeah, I forgot to take my clean clothes up to my room for a couple days...yeah, I havent showered since Monday night....yeah I already blew my $200 paycheck that I just got last friday on daycare and gas...cut me some slack. I'm busy.

ABC's and 123's

Aside from being peed on, seeing my son discover his penis and catching him eating the dog food.. the next best thing about being a mom is to see your child learn new things. Jackson has been on a major learning kick lately. I guess my $180 in daycare is being well spent.

So far he has learned to do the moonwalk. I dont really know where or why this originated. It must be a defense mechanism he uses on the other kids at daycare. He slowly backs away from you as if he is some sort of sleuth, escaping trouble. He likes to back right into a wall. It is really quite funny to watch him concentrating on each step backwards.

Another thing he has learned is where his belly button is located. He loves to rub on his belly..as soon as you take his shirt off and let him run around naked and free, he rubs on his chest and belly like he has never felt skin before. Its too funny. Reminds me of a fat old man who rubs his belly after a rather large meal of chicken fried steak. But if you ask him where his belly button is he will proudly show it off. I must admit its the cutest dang button. He is also quite fascinated with where my old belly button used to be... now it looks like a cavernous hole.

Jack has also added a couple words to his growing vocabulary. I am finally gettinf over the fact that I have a walking and functioning human being following me around and now sooner rather than later I will have a blabbering one too. I cant wait to hear, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mother, mom". I just know Jack will be that kid. But that is still a ways away.. for now his new things are ,"Uh-Oh" -he does this whenever something is dropped or when he drops something which is just about every 15 seconds and "Thank You" which is really "Tay-tu"-this is when he hands you something.

I love watching him explore and discover...and thank goodness for daycare because I am one lousy teacher!

Taking A Bite Out of Jack

My mom and I picked up Jackson from daycare yesterday. She had to go with me because I cant lift him for a couple days due to the biopsy. Well as the teacher was handing me his daily report sheet she informed us that a little girl had bitten Jackson and blah blah blah...he did something..blah blah blah. Um....Excuse me, did she just say someone bit my son?

I mean I know he is kinds of yummy because I nibble his toes on a daily basis...but some snotty nosed little punk actual sunk her teeth in my son's left arm. Ok, so that is a little extreme. She is a cutie but still! Keep your chompers in yo mouth! She actually broke the skin on his arm. I am sure this will not be the last time that something like this happens. I hope that my kid is never the biter though. How embarassing is that for the mom? Trying to explain that your kid bites..they should have to wear onesies that say, "Caution I bite" to give our innocent ones a head up.

The best part in this whole fiasco, it the teacher had the nerve to say that Jackson provoked it. Not...my innocent liwtle biwty Jacki. She said that he pulled her hair, so the little girl in turn bit him. Umm....what if the teacher didnt see what really happened. What if the little girl came up to Jack and shook her tiny toddler booty at him and he didnt like it so then he pulled her hair...or what if she came up to him and slapped him and so he pulled her hair.. or what if....

I guess the options are endless...and since they are only toddlers I know they are still dabbling in what is right and what is wrong.. so I will let this one slide, this one time! But I still think that mom should give her kid a mouthgaurd!

Biopsy Wednesdays

Today was the day of the biopsy. I was a bunch of nerves this morning. So much so that I had the shakes. I even passed up getting a Starbucks on the way to the hospital for fear that it might cause some gastro-issues during the procedure...if you know what I mean...

I had to be at the hospital at 8 am. My mom and I arrived at around 8:15. We got to the hospital and immediately got lost. Although as we were walking down the halls I realized that it wasn't like Grey's Anatomy at all. No McDreamy's or McSteamy's...nothing. Only a little old lady who was an obvious volunteer, whom shuffled us in the right direction.

I got back to the room and they took all my statistic stuff down and made me change into a not so fashionable robe. They even gave me some hospital bracelets..this was getting downright fancy. They explained the procedure to my mom and I, then after a quick couple minutes to gather my thoughts, they walked me down to the room. It was like a walk of doom. Like I was going to be sacrificed to the boob biopsy gods. The cute little nurse who resembled Sally Field, ushered my mom to the waiting room then guided me to the biopsy room. She really was nice as can be, her name was Amy, I guess you cant go wrong with a person named Amy. I think if her name had been Hilda I would have been a little more scared.

Amy got me prepped for my ultrasound and the technician took a look at the mass in my right breast. She said it didn't look "cyst like" and said that it was more of a mass. This meant that I wasn't getting a fine needle aspiration, but rather a REAL biopsy. yikes. I started crying because I was so nervous!

After the ultrasound, the doctor came in and prepped me for the biopsy. Now this time I really felt like I was on Grey's, the doctor had a distinct resemblance to Addison! I promise.. even though she left to Private Practice..

Amy held my hand and talked to me about Jackson throughout the entire procedure. The only part that truly hurt was after the biopsy was over and they needed to place a metal marker by the mass. The doctor said the tissue samples all looked good and benign, but she isn't a pathologist so she couldn't be 100% correct.

I am now sitting here with a bandaged up boob and new worries of my results. I think this will be the hardest part...waiting.

Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like A Bee

It is a beautiful Saturday. The sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky. The weather is a perfect 70 degrees outside. Upon waking up this morning we had our typical weekend breakfast of breakfast tacos. That is a whole other post. Gosh I LOVE breakfast tacos...and so does my ass.

Then I purchased the Chris Rock tickets that I am getting Andrew for Valentines Day. $155 later...we sat around while I finished up some homework assignments, fed Jackson his first Popsicle and then Andrew left to go home.

I decided my son was a bit on the stinky side and realized that he hasn't had a bath since Tuesday!! Bad Mommy! So after a quick macaroni chow fest I stripped him naked..let him run around then threw him in the bathtub. You could tell by his facial expressions that he was living the dream in the big garden tub of his. He especially LOVES to pull the drain out. I am trying to get him to realize that once he pulls that up that the water drains, or goes "bye, bye". He doesn't get it, so I end up getting my rolling up my jeans and getting my own feet wet, in order to keep the drain plugged.

After the bath I towel him off and apply the lotion that smells SOOOOO good! We get dressed then I decided, "Hey! Its a beautiful day...lets get this kid some exercise...and sun". We went out into the backyard and kicked a ball around and threw leaves up in the air...It was great. He then stuck his hands in some wet bird poop, a sign of things to come.

I decided to be a great mommy today and take my son for a walk in his beloved wagon. We got all situated and headed out to the front. We were just taking a brisk walk down the block. We were rounding the corner and I decided to take him to the park which was less than a block down the street. We were running, laughing...it looked straight out of a movie I am sure. I took a deep breath and thought to myself, Life is Good....

THEN BAM!!!!! I got slapped back into reality when a wasp or bee or something stingalicious came and stung me on the back of my arm!! I freaked out, I must have looked like I was having an epileptic seizure to all the neighbors. I never saw the culprit but he definitely left his mark. I quickly turned that wagon around when Jack started crying, I yelled, "suck it up buttercup!" then ran back home.

But I know he only stung me because I must have smelled like the biggest flower buffet he ever smelled. Damn Victoria Secret lotion.